Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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