You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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