fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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