I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
