i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
