I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
