They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
