whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
