if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
