went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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