dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
