no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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