Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
