so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
