Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
