Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
