RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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