oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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