She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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