drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
