instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
