in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
