he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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