Can Purell be used as lube?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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