please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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