every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
