we have pet lesbian snakes
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
