Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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