I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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