Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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