finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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