Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Boobs are out for the taking
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
