We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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