So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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