Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
