eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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