Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
