I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize