Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
