I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
