Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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