I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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