Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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