I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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