I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
