if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
