get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize