so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
