I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
