Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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