Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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