the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just google imaged poop.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
