Jerry, you need to find god
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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