if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
