Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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