We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize