theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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