WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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