I wish I could punch you in the face.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Still dying that you shit outside
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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