So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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