There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
