Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
