So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
