does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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