Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
