great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
