her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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