oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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