Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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