He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
