Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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