If that was your dad, he is hot
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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