he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
