i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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