He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
