You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
