Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
