Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
