Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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