I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
