I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
