Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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