My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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