Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
