I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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