i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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