I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
