whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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