Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
