I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
