No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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