Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
