I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
