the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
