So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
