I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
