You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
