I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you win again, gameday.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
