You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
