You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
